I Will

Dear God,

If you are listening tonight please help me through this. I do not know what to do with it or what to think of it. Sometimes I feel like I am just confusing myself even more. And other times I feel like just telling myself “Ah, get over it Wendy, just be happy.” Then again I just feel like I am ignoring the issue.

It is like I am not enough for others; it is like they want more then what I am able to give to them at the moment.

It is like the change that I am in the process of is not finish yet, but they want it now. And I cannot give it.

It is not that I cannot give it, I can. I just do not know what more do they want.

I am trying to adjust, to adapt, but it just does not feel the same anymore. And it hurts.

I want it just as much as they do, I want it all back to what it was too. But I also now I want growth and I know it is not like they do not want it too. I am sure they do.

It just feels so weird, so strange, and so awkward; I do not even know what to say about it.

But that I am disappointed I thought the ones who would understand me the most, did not seem to.

The ones I thought would be happy with me, didn’t seem to be.

I know I cannot make everyone happy and make myself happy too. That is why there is such a thing called “understanding and trust.”

Am I just thinking too much? Maybe I am making it such a big deal, when I should understand it more. Idk?

And honestly I think I have the most wonderful friends. Because they probably just thought it was better to see me happy even if I was a little different, or a lot. Because they love me.

But it hurts…and I just feel so broken inside. It is just sad….

I hope I heal soon from this. Or more like, I need to let myself heal….I WILL FIND A WAY =)