Relationships

It's been awhile since I've shared anything on my mind with anyone lately. I feel like life moves so fast we just get so caught up in it and forget to enjoy it. Don't get me wrong, it's been a joy ride with many bumps, but lately I haven't stop to slow down. For some odd reason today, I just felt the need to write an entry. So here we go...bare with me as I unravel my thoughts onto this post.

I've been with a special someone for a certain while now. It's the longest I've ever been with anyone or share any part of my life with for so long besides my siblings and parents. I try to comprehend everything between us but I always have questions. Now questions, certainly does not mean it's something bad. It's a searching process for me. I'm not sure why but I feel as if I am always searching for more. I don't know what more it is I still want to know or learn about, but I feel like one should never stop and settle, but to keep improving themselves and getting better at their craft. Maybe that's why it irks me when people show no motivation or determination in their life pursuit. I call them lazy. Now, that may not be a nice thing to say, but in my definition it doesn't mean whether it's bad or good. It's just someone that does not do anything to move themselves from their previous spot to another.

Back to my special someone, he's very intelligent on how he speaks and the words he chooses to use. I admire him for many things, such as, his nice tone muscles, especially his arms that keeps me secured along with the gentle embrace he gives me; his logic keeps me on my toes to always challenge my own thinking; his love for family; his practice for discipline - which I very much can learn from; and his thoughts.

What I use to love most was his drive to question life, to ask God, to want love. What saddens me is all that I saw before has faded ever since I entered his life. Sometimes I blame myself for probably being the reason why all the things he use to do, he doesn't anymore. I question why men are like that...they chase you and pursue you like no other. Then once they have you, the effort fades.

I understand that everyone grows and things change even without trying, but by changing other parts in our life it is also implemented into the ones we didn't deem necessary to do so...it's a transformation. This doesn't mean it's bad nor good. It's call, growing....

But as him and I grow, I find it that the relationship starts to lose its spark. It's more alive when we're physically together, but when we are apart....it's different. I imagine it's because of distance that makes it more difficult and conflict arises. But I always feel like I'm trying so much harder to keep the communication alive between us. It wears me out sometimes. For relationships that has some distance, I believe it is very important to have good lines of communication and have the other person feel you care. It is very easy to lose that when two people are far apart. So why doesn't he try as hard....

Maybe it's just me.

You know it reminds me of that Youtube video about relationships by Wongfu Productions about the different phases that relationships go through. I can't remember which phase it is, but it's the one where the GF calls and he is playing games with his friend. He looks at it and then just keeps on playing games. His friend asks him if he's going to pickup and he replied he'll call her back later.

In the beginning of a relationship, every guy would pickup the phone.

I guess it's different afterwards, not that I didn't know. I've been through many relationships but for some reason this one hurts more. Maybe because he emphasized he wasn't like that, but every guy tells every girl that....

I've come to terms that all guys are really alike, whether they like it or not. They're all different in their ways, but they all are similar. Crazy huh?!

I don't hold it against him or love him any less....I just want to figure it out.

Thank you for listening to my rant.