I Can't Quite Comprehend

I've been blogging a lot lately.

Even though I do not want to think much.

My mind endlessly questions everything about my life at the moment.

This morning I wokeup in a bed giggling because of my cute and funny dream.

As much as I would have liked to share it with someone.

I did not feel like there was anyone there to listen.

So as I did my daily morning routines I just laughed quietly to myself.

I also know that my heart has become more and more cold.

And even if there is a flame that wants to melt the ice.

I tend to just push it away every single time.

It's as if I want to keep it that way, but my heart really wants to breathe again.

The love that I had buried away wants to get out and spread it's wings again.

But because my mind is too quick to judge and to quick to protect.

I push it away....over and over again I push it away.

Even though that may not be what I had wanted

I tell myself "It's ok, I'll survive."

I hear this little voice from the back of my head telling me "it's not okay when you have a choice."

But I just quietly mumble back to it and say, "this is my choice."

Day in and day out I argue with that little voice.

Even though in the end I know that I am wrong

I can't quite lift myself back up

And I don't know how to anymore

This whole thing has caused severe damage

And I can only give it time....

But I don't even know what I'm giving time for.......